i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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