Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
