I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
