I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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