Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
