My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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