can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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