We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
