I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize