ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
