just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
