I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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