tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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