I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
