Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize