It's Friday. Sex?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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