The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
