More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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