He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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