Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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