Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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