Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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