I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize