I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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