why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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