I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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