i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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