just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
