it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just gargled with NyQuil
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
