I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
