I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize