The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
