dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
