"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
