just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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