I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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