wakey wakey hands off snakey
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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