im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need a beard to bite.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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