I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
