Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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