Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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