Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
