Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize