Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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