Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
