Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
