You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
