please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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