question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
