My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Two words: nipple clamps
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