I want to have your abortion
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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