Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
