Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
