Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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