Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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