so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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