I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am mentally ready for anal.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
