And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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