I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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