well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
