haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize