never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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