no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
