Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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