I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
