do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
