There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
