I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i love accidental penises.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
