Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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