Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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