okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
