i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
