Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
