Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
