I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
