Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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