You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
