dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
