He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
