I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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