He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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