Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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