She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize