break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
