$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
NoShamevember. You game?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
