My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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