It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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