were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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