I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my being single is dangerous.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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