when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
