Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
