Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
