also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
