dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
