where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
