I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
