Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
