you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
