It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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