We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
