sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
