We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
