I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
