you guys were way drunker than both of me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize