I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
