Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
