My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
