so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
