We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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