It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
