She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
