she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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