Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
