The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
