i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
