Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
