I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
