he wants to bone in the snuggie
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
