office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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