We won't sleep together?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize